This feels like it's been coming for a while, at least on this end. I imagine my long absence has foretold it for you as well.
I love this space. I mean I really love it. I come here and look around, and it's like being in the best room, of the best house, of the best city in the best country. It's full of laughter, dreams, heavy thoughts and silly ones. Friends and lovers. The words, the images that I put here for the world to see...I don't know if I can fully express how much they all mean to me. How much you all mean to me. You've laughed with me, cried with me, wondered and pondered and imagined with me. Being here, sharing all of this with you, it's made me more than what I was. More focused, more sure, more open and more willing to take risks. I miss being here every day, miss reading your thoughts as much as I miss sharing mine. I wish I didn't have to go.
But my life is headed in a new direction, down a new path. It's a path I want, one I am determined to travel with an open heart and a determined mind. I'm excited about it, and a little scared, but that's as it should be. I will take with me all that I've learned from this space, from all of you, and I know it will help me get where I want to go.
And while I wish I could take it with me, I know that the world I've created here really isn't meant for where I'm going now. Little pieces, certainly, but not the whole. It makes me a little sad, and I've struggled with this decision for some time now. You see, I really do love this space.
Because I love it, I'm not removing it completely. I want to be able to visit every once in a while, and I want you to be able to as well. I want these words, these images, to stand. They're part of me, and I won't deny them. Even as I head down that new path, I want to be able to look over my shoulder and smile.
I really am so glad we had this time together. I hope you are too.
Hannah
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
lazy day, future plans
It's Sunday, and Sparkles and I are doing what we do best. Well, maybe it's not what we do best, but it seems to be what we do most often - lazing on the sofa, watching movies.
Despite my tendency toward sloth, I am finding renewed energy in my life for a few things. For example, my riding lessons. I sort of fell away from it for a while, due my very busy life - traveling over the weekends and previous commitments kept me away from the barn for a good six weeks, but I've been back a few times now and I realize that despite the strain it puts on my schedule (and my wallet), this is something I really, truly enjoy. It gives me so much - exercise, a new appreciation for my body and how it works, and a new perspective on how what I do and how I do it affects the world around me. I'm going to keep at it, because I want to see what else it out there for me to learn. And plus, I get to start learning to jump!
I'm finding some renewed purpose in my writing as well, which is gratifying. I'm working on promoting myself, new stories, and becoming more of a presence in that world. I want to be a part of that world, I want to be important there, so I'm working on making that happen.
What I don't seem to have much energy for is this blog, and that makes me a little sad. I'm sure you've all noticed that my posts here have become few and far between, and I don't see that changing in the near future. But I love this blog, I love that these pieces of me are here for the world - and me - to visit when the mood strikes.
Wow, it's a beautiful day today. I may have to get off the sofa soon and enjoy it.
Despite my tendency toward sloth, I am finding renewed energy in my life for a few things. For example, my riding lessons. I sort of fell away from it for a while, due my very busy life - traveling over the weekends and previous commitments kept me away from the barn for a good six weeks, but I've been back a few times now and I realize that despite the strain it puts on my schedule (and my wallet), this is something I really, truly enjoy. It gives me so much - exercise, a new appreciation for my body and how it works, and a new perspective on how what I do and how I do it affects the world around me. I'm going to keep at it, because I want to see what else it out there for me to learn. And plus, I get to start learning to jump!
I'm finding some renewed purpose in my writing as well, which is gratifying. I'm working on promoting myself, new stories, and becoming more of a presence in that world. I want to be a part of that world, I want to be important there, so I'm working on making that happen.
What I don't seem to have much energy for is this blog, and that makes me a little sad. I'm sure you've all noticed that my posts here have become few and far between, and I don't see that changing in the near future. But I love this blog, I love that these pieces of me are here for the world - and me - to visit when the mood strikes.
Wow, it's a beautiful day today. I may have to get off the sofa soon and enjoy it.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
sad and shameful
I'm lazing about a lovely hotel room this morning, waiting for Sparkltoes to get back from her coffee date and absently going through my emails, when I find one from my publisher.
People who want to read erotic romance novels will find them. They know how to search for them, and they can be pretty determined to run them down via other resources if Amazon doesn't appear to carry them. But that might not be the case with GLBTQ books. With GLBTQ books, sometimes the people who need them most (family members of GLBTQ people, for example), might not know how to look for them or even that they're available.
If you want to write Amazon directly about this new policy - as I have done - you can do so by contacting Amazon customer service via email: ecr@amazon.com or by phone at 1-800-201-7575.
Edit: Google bomb! The gals over at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books have created a new definition of Amazon Rank.
"Amazon no longer allows erotic romance or GLBTQ titles to have a sales ranking or to turn up in results from front page searches."Of course, they're concerned with the "erotic romance" part of that, as am I, since it directly affects my income. But I'm even more disturbed by the fact that GLBTQ (which of course means gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered, queer) titles are suffering the same fate.
People who want to read erotic romance novels will find them. They know how to search for them, and they can be pretty determined to run them down via other resources if Amazon doesn't appear to carry them. But that might not be the case with GLBTQ books. With GLBTQ books, sometimes the people who need them most (family members of GLBTQ people, for example), might not know how to look for them or even that they're available.
If you want to write Amazon directly about this new policy - as I have done - you can do so by contacting Amazon customer service via email: ecr@amazon.com or by phone at 1-800-201-7575.
Edit: Google bomb! The gals over at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books have created a new definition of Amazon Rank.
Friday, April 10, 2009
scrubbed and polished
Tomorrow is spa day, children! Sparkles and I are heading north in a few hours to begin her birthday celebration. We're kicking things off by checking into a nice hotel, followed by a nice Italian dinner out, then on Saturday - spa!
We're really most excited by the spa. We're having the Dead Sea package, which includes a foot soak, spa pedicure, full body salt scrub, mud wrap, Swiss shower, sauna, scalp treatment, hot stone massage, facial, and manicure.
We're REALLY excited about the spa.
After the spa we're going to go back to our nice hotel room, bundle up into our robes, crack open a bottle of champagne and order room service.
It's sort of difficult to remember that it's Sparkles' birthday, and not mine!
We're really most excited by the spa. We're having the Dead Sea package, which includes a foot soak, spa pedicure, full body salt scrub, mud wrap, Swiss shower, sauna, scalp treatment, hot stone massage, facial, and manicure.
We're REALLY excited about the spa.
After the spa we're going to go back to our nice hotel room, bundle up into our robes, crack open a bottle of champagne and order room service.
It's sort of difficult to remember that it's Sparkles' birthday, and not mine!
Monday, March 30, 2009
funny, that
So Sparkles and I have hired the college age daughter of a friend of mine to stay at our house and take care of the dogs while we're in Seattle over Easter for our spa weekend. She came over about a week ago to meet the boys and get the lay of the land. I told her she could have her pick of the three bedrooms - mine, Sparkles', and the guest room - to sleep in. There are advantages to each: Sparkles has the adjoining bath and more space in the room, my room has the biggest bed, and the guest room has a television.
Today I was talking to my friend, and I mentioned this choice of bedrooms conversation. She started laughing, and when she'd calmed down, she told me there'd been some some discussion about that at home.
Today I was talking to my friend, and I mentioned this choice of bedrooms conversation. She started laughing, and when she'd calmed down, she told me there'd been some some discussion about that at home.
Dog Sitter: I don't know which bedroom I want to sleep in!
Mom: Well, which one are you leaning towards?
Dog Sitter: Hannah's room has the biggest bed, which would probably be good since they said both dogs will want to get up on the bed.
Mom: That's true.
Dog Sitter: But...well....
Mom: But what?
Dog Sitter: Hannah has a boyfriend.
Mom: And?
Dog Sitter: And...there could be sperm in her bed!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Nancy Grace is an IDIOT
I was bored at work today so I got to cruising around the internet a bit in search of something to perk up my afternoon. On the CNN website, I saw a link in their “Latest News” list titled “More tot mom party pics surface”. And it sounded more interesting than the story listed below it, “Nun: ‘This isn’t what Jesus would do!’”, so I clicked on it.
Take a look – totally work safe:
For those unable to view, I’ll summarize. The “tot mom” in question is Casey Anthony, the Florida woman whose toddler daughter Caylee went missing last year – her remains were found in December - and who’s currently on trial for causing the child’s death. The “party pics” referred to are photographs taken at a Halloween party Casey attended with some girlfriends in 2006. They were dressed in lingerie, fantasy type stuff like French maid and casino waitress (though I know no man who fantasizes about banging a casino waitress), and the party involved some girl on girl makeout, a little bump and grind - pretty wild stuff by Nancy Grace’s standards, apparently.
It’s worth watching the video just to see how appalled and self righteous Nancy gets when the gentleman she’s discussing these photos with refers to them as depicting “a good time”. However, the entertainment factor fades quickly in the face of the cheap tabloid journalism Her Graceness is peddling.
Let me be clear on one thing: I do not think Casey Anthony was a good mother – on that point Ms. Grace and I concur. Little Caylee had been missing for a full month before she was reported as such by her maternal grandmother, and even if Casey didn’t kill the little girl herself, she’s likely at least indirectly responsible for whatever DID happen to the child through neglect. BUT…to vilify her as a bad mother and a murderer because she was kissing girls at a party, “drinking beer” and “gittin’ all down on the floor” is a hideous miscarriage of justice.
“I find them (the pictures) highly probative”, says Ms. Grace in the video, “that is to say they prove a lot as to how the tot mom felt about rearing her child.”
Actually, they don’t. What they actually PROVE, what they’re PROBATIVE to (and thank you SO much Nancy for schooling us on what “probative” means) is that she was at a party in a skimpy outfit where she kissed another girl.
That’s it. That’s all they prove. They don’t prove she was a bad mother, they don’t prove she resented having to raise her child, and they don’t prove that she killed her child.
And it's appalling to me - actually, it's revolting to me - that a serious news channel like CNN is (or maybe used to be) allows this biased, slanted, inflammatory crap on the air. It's the sort of tabloid journalism that taints jury pools, takes time and energy away from serious news stories like, oh I don’t know, the shit hole that is the economy right now, and most importantly it enables the sort of behavior policing that scares the ever lovin’ crap out of anyone with two brain cells to rub together.
And if it doesn't scare the crap out of you, it damn well should. Maybe you don't go to Halloween parties in skimpy outfits and smooch on other girls, so you think you're safe from this kind of attack. And maybe you're not gay, kinky or polyamorous - three groups of people who are worried, and justifiably so, that someday someone with an agenda will decide that being those things make them an unfit parent - so you think you're safe there too. But hey - do you go to bars and have a drink while your young children are home with a babysitter? Do you go dancing with your friends? What about the time you went to a bachelorette party and ended up tucking that dollar bill in the stripper's jock with your tongue? How dare you! You're a MOTHER, you CAN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY.
Being a parent doesn’t mean you stop being human, with all the needs an adult human has, including the sexual ones. But there’s a big misconception out there that it SHOULD mean that. And of course, it's bullshit. I know plenty of mothers who are good, kind, loving, caring, nurturing parents. And guess what? They also like to go out for a drink with their friends. Some of them like to dress in skimpy outfits for Halloween. And yes, some of them like to kiss other girls. These things do NOT make them bad mothers – and I would argue in fact that they are better mothers for allowing themselves to have lives outside their child rearing responsibilities.
Is Casey Anthony a bad mother? Most likely. Did she kill her kid? I don’t know, that’s for a jury in Florida to decide. But I know that pictures of her kissing a girl don’t have anything to do with either of those things. And Nancy Grace and her ilk should stick to the probative facts and leave the salacious ones where they belong, in the tabloids.
Take a look – totally work safe:
For those unable to view, I’ll summarize. The “tot mom” in question is Casey Anthony, the Florida woman whose toddler daughter Caylee went missing last year – her remains were found in December - and who’s currently on trial for causing the child’s death. The “party pics” referred to are photographs taken at a Halloween party Casey attended with some girlfriends in 2006. They were dressed in lingerie, fantasy type stuff like French maid and casino waitress (though I know no man who fantasizes about banging a casino waitress), and the party involved some girl on girl makeout, a little bump and grind - pretty wild stuff by Nancy Grace’s standards, apparently.
It’s worth watching the video just to see how appalled and self righteous Nancy gets when the gentleman she’s discussing these photos with refers to them as depicting “a good time”. However, the entertainment factor fades quickly in the face of the cheap tabloid journalism Her Graceness is peddling.
Let me be clear on one thing: I do not think Casey Anthony was a good mother – on that point Ms. Grace and I concur. Little Caylee had been missing for a full month before she was reported as such by her maternal grandmother, and even if Casey didn’t kill the little girl herself, she’s likely at least indirectly responsible for whatever DID happen to the child through neglect. BUT…to vilify her as a bad mother and a murderer because she was kissing girls at a party, “drinking beer” and “gittin’ all down on the floor” is a hideous miscarriage of justice.
“I find them (the pictures) highly probative”, says Ms. Grace in the video, “that is to say they prove a lot as to how the tot mom felt about rearing her child.”
Actually, they don’t. What they actually PROVE, what they’re PROBATIVE to (and thank you SO much Nancy for schooling us on what “probative” means) is that she was at a party in a skimpy outfit where she kissed another girl.
That’s it. That’s all they prove. They don’t prove she was a bad mother, they don’t prove she resented having to raise her child, and they don’t prove that she killed her child.
And it's appalling to me - actually, it's revolting to me - that a serious news channel like CNN is (or maybe used to be) allows this biased, slanted, inflammatory crap on the air. It's the sort of tabloid journalism that taints jury pools, takes time and energy away from serious news stories like, oh I don’t know, the shit hole that is the economy right now, and most importantly it enables the sort of behavior policing that scares the ever lovin’ crap out of anyone with two brain cells to rub together.
And if it doesn't scare the crap out of you, it damn well should. Maybe you don't go to Halloween parties in skimpy outfits and smooch on other girls, so you think you're safe from this kind of attack. And maybe you're not gay, kinky or polyamorous - three groups of people who are worried, and justifiably so, that someday someone with an agenda will decide that being those things make them an unfit parent - so you think you're safe there too. But hey - do you go to bars and have a drink while your young children are home with a babysitter? Do you go dancing with your friends? What about the time you went to a bachelorette party and ended up tucking that dollar bill in the stripper's jock with your tongue? How dare you! You're a MOTHER, you CAN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY.
Being a parent doesn’t mean you stop being human, with all the needs an adult human has, including the sexual ones. But there’s a big misconception out there that it SHOULD mean that. And of course, it's bullshit. I know plenty of mothers who are good, kind, loving, caring, nurturing parents. And guess what? They also like to go out for a drink with their friends. Some of them like to dress in skimpy outfits for Halloween. And yes, some of them like to kiss other girls. These things do NOT make them bad mothers – and I would argue in fact that they are better mothers for allowing themselves to have lives outside their child rearing responsibilities.
Is Casey Anthony a bad mother? Most likely. Did she kill her kid? I don’t know, that’s for a jury in Florida to decide. But I know that pictures of her kissing a girl don’t have anything to do with either of those things. And Nancy Grace and her ilk should stick to the probative facts and leave the salacious ones where they belong, in the tabloids.
Friday, March 20, 2009
the "God doesn't get to win" story
It occurred to me after yesterday's post that the whole "God doesn't get to win" thing would probably seem strange to you. So here's that story:
A few years back Sparkles and I were in New York for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I'd flown up for a long weekend, and we were staying in Manhattan thanks to my roommates (their Christmas gift to me was two nights in a downtown hotel). We spent two days at Madison Square Garden taking in all the dog show madness, and it was great. One of the great things for me, though, was the food.
Okay, here's a little secret about me: I really love arena food. Nachos, popcorn, cotton candy, ice cream, etc., all the badly made, over salted over sugared stuff you get at any major sporting event is better to me than anything available at a five star restaurant (except maybe champagne). And Madison Square Garden had GREAT arena food - the nachos were just how I like them (no real cheese, just cheese colored sauce drowning really salty chips), and they had AMAZING peanut oil fries. Seriously, just ask Sparkles, they were the shit.
Anyway, as in any other sporting event you could either go to the concession stand for these delightful treats, or wait for one of the roving waiters to come your way. Mostly I'd go to the concession stand when I got the urge for a snack, but the rovers were peddling one thing I wanted - a Häagen-Dazs bar.
I'd been watching the ice cream peddlers make the rounds for a day and a half, and I'd decided I was going to have an ice cream bar towards the end of the night on day two. I'd been resisting the whole time, saving that creamy vanilla covered in chocolate delight for the grand finale of my two day arena food binge. But when I decided the time was right, suddenly none of the rovers were roving my way.
Time after time I'd watch them get one or two sections away, then go back in the other direction. Then they'd come from the other direction, get one section away....then go back! I was twitching in my seat, practically vibrating with irritation, and every time one of them veered off in another direction...well, let's just say I was getting annoyed.
Sparkles was fairly amused by all this, and after the fourth or fifth time this happened, she put a consoling hand on my arm and a chiding expression on her face. "Maybe," she said to me in an almost serious voice, "God doesn't want you to have an ice cream bar."
Well, fuck that noise.
I sucked in some air, stood up, and through clenched teeth declared, "God doesn't get to win!" Then I chased the Häagen-Dazs lady down three sections over and got my fucking ice cream bar.
It was the best ice cream bar I've ever had.
A few years back Sparkles and I were in New York for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I'd flown up for a long weekend, and we were staying in Manhattan thanks to my roommates (their Christmas gift to me was two nights in a downtown hotel). We spent two days at Madison Square Garden taking in all the dog show madness, and it was great. One of the great things for me, though, was the food.
Okay, here's a little secret about me: I really love arena food. Nachos, popcorn, cotton candy, ice cream, etc., all the badly made, over salted over sugared stuff you get at any major sporting event is better to me than anything available at a five star restaurant (except maybe champagne). And Madison Square Garden had GREAT arena food - the nachos were just how I like them (no real cheese, just cheese colored sauce drowning really salty chips), and they had AMAZING peanut oil fries. Seriously, just ask Sparkles, they were the shit.
Anyway, as in any other sporting event you could either go to the concession stand for these delightful treats, or wait for one of the roving waiters to come your way. Mostly I'd go to the concession stand when I got the urge for a snack, but the rovers were peddling one thing I wanted - a Häagen-Dazs bar.
I'd been watching the ice cream peddlers make the rounds for a day and a half, and I'd decided I was going to have an ice cream bar towards the end of the night on day two. I'd been resisting the whole time, saving that creamy vanilla covered in chocolate delight for the grand finale of my two day arena food binge. But when I decided the time was right, suddenly none of the rovers were roving my way.
Time after time I'd watch them get one or two sections away, then go back in the other direction. Then they'd come from the other direction, get one section away....then go back! I was twitching in my seat, practically vibrating with irritation, and every time one of them veered off in another direction...well, let's just say I was getting annoyed.
Sparkles was fairly amused by all this, and after the fourth or fifth time this happened, she put a consoling hand on my arm and a chiding expression on her face. "Maybe," she said to me in an almost serious voice, "God doesn't want you to have an ice cream bar."
Well, fuck that noise.
I sucked in some air, stood up, and through clenched teeth declared, "God doesn't get to win!" Then I chased the Häagen-Dazs lady down three sections over and got my fucking ice cream bar.
It was the best ice cream bar I've ever had.
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
